i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
