as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
