Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
