Jerry, you need to find god
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
