You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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