You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
