my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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