I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
