That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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