Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
