I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We got so high we made milksteak
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
