it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
