She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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