Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
