Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
