and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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