Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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