i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
