If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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