just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize