You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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