i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
