At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
