its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
