At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
