Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
