okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
