Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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