We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
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I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
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