Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
