i think i have herpe
just one?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
