I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
