is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
