Yo dont text me then not text me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
