I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
