watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
