So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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