actually, I'm a sock model
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
