Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
