We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
