I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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