Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
