you would pick up someone in the library
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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