dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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