I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
