...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
