My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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