I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
