Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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