Just cropdusted the office
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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