First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
