just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
