apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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