we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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