U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
