So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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