Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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