hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
