too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
