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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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