Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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