i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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