you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Another day, another engagement, another cat
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This toilet bowl is my home.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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