I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
