just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
