What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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