mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
