Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
