so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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