Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
