Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
