sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
