I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
