i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
