if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
